July 22

The strain of the last few months is beginning to show in Sian and Ellie.  Don't get me wrong, they don't suffer from starvation or poverty; their lives are way better than so many other people.  But, at the end of the day, they are human.  They have spent the majority of the last few months at home and, although they have seen friends from time to time, it has not been the same as going to school.  They miss the day to day interaction with friends, class mates, teachers - even people they don't particularly like.

The further delay to schools opening and the recent imposure of a curfew have only added to a sense of 'nothing is happening'.  It's good to have plans, dates to look forward to, events to write in our diaries.  The blank page of the future can be quite daunting.  

On a Wednesday evening, I usually go to a meditation class, but because of the curfew it has been brought forward to the end of the afternoon.  The good news for Sian and Ellie is that I can drop them at the stables where they do a bit of work grooming horses and taking the miniature ponies out for some exercise. 

I really enjoy the meditation class because it reminds me to let go and just see the situation as one that will pass.  My mum got very angry with the government.  She would spend hours going through all the terrible things they had done and how they had ruined everybody's life.  I used to try and tell her not to take it all to heart because then they have ruined your peace of mind as well.  I don't think it was in her character to not get involved.  If she heard of children dying in Somalia, she took it very personally and tried to think of ways that she could help them.  If I told her of a friend going through a difficulty, she would be up half the night trying to think of the solution.  

I don't want to be like that - not because I don't care, but because I saw the damage that it did to her health.  I feel it is important to feel the gravity of a situation but also be able to distance yourself from it and somehow trust that the universe, God, whoever or whatever it is out there, will sort it out.