August 19

John and I very rarely go shopping together these days.  We always used to, but now he goes out and does the main shopping whilst I go far more infrequently.  There are some good things about shopping together, such as not buying two of the same thing. That's about it though.  I struggle to think of anything else. Since John has become The Shopper, he has also become incredibly difficult to go shopping with.

Tension begins to build before we have even reached the shopping centre.  I am driving and, although John will tell you he is the most relaxed happy-go-lucky chap you'll ever meet, he's not.  Not when someone else is driving.

John: Why are you going this way?

Me: Because this is the way I always go.

John: I usually take the Matopos road.  It gets you straight into town.

Me: (deep breath) I don't like the Matopos road.

John: Well, you'd save yourself approximately three minutes and twenty-three seconds if you took it.

Me: (Big deep breath) Well, I'm not in a hurry.

Silence.

John: Why don't you like the Matopos road?

Then there's the matter of the lanes.  It may surprise some people to discover that Bulawayo has a fast lane.  Shocked? I know.  The thing is most people don't know about it.  What would be referred to in other countries as the inside lane is, in Bulawayo, the stopping lane.  This is where you pull over (quite randomly, I'll add) to drop people off and pick them up.  The outside lane is for all other driving at whatever speed you may choose. Despite living in Africa for 29 years, John still gets highly infuriated with the fact that the lanes are not used properly.  I choose to travel in the outside lane all the time because otherwise your journey is a very jerky one as you constantly have to stop, or change lanes anyway, because some Honda Fit driver has chosen to pull over and offload 25 of its passengers at once.

'You're very British,' I snap at John when he tells me yet again that I am in the wrong lane.  In this instance, 'British' has negative connotations.

Once we are at the shops, actually getting to the point of putting anything in the trolley is a trial.

John: What do you want sugar for?

Me: Elizabeth.

John: Elizabeth doesn't need sugar.  It's not good for her.

John: Don't buy the bananas here.  They're cheaper at Paddy's.

Me:  These are nice big ones.

John: Smaller bananas are much more economical.  Who wants to eat a big banana?

As the tension builds, I manage to sneak a packet of caster sugar and a tin of cocoa in the trolley.  Later, I see John pick these up and examine them. Although I expect to be told to put them back where I found them, they appear to pass the test.

When we come out of the vegetable shop, someone has parked in such a way that I cannot reverse without hitting them.  I go forward and then manage to turn and reverse.

John: Why did you do that?

Me: (between gritted teeth) because otherwise I would have hit that car.

John: I know that.  I mean why didn't you just carry on going  forward and then do a U-turn back onto the road?

I can see why Sian always comes back with a long face after driving lessons with John.  Thank goodness I am going to my meditation group this evening.