April 6

John often asks me why I get up early in the mornings, even if it is the weekend or school holidays.  There are two reasons: one is that it is the only time I have to myself the whole day and I can get quite a lot done.  The other is that I love early morning.  I love the dawn and watching the sun rise, that feeling of newness that lies over everything.  The garden is flooded in a beautiful golden light that highlights millions of delicate spiderwebs strung between branches and leaves.  Looking to the right, there is something primeval about the lush green, the great cluster of trees that leads down to the bottom of the garden.  The birds are already up and busy and it is easy to close your eyes and imagine a jungle setting with parakeets flying about and monkeys swinging from tree to tree.

I usually work in the lounge; it is my favourite room.  There is a strong, warm feeling, especially in the morning and I love writing here.  This morning when I woke up, I thought about all the people who live in flats and tiny houses without gardens.  It must be terrible to be confined to one room or to be in an abusive relationship with nowhere to hide.  I imagine many people just have the tv on all day or don't even bother to get out of bed.  When my mum was 13, she spent a year in a sanatorium with TB.  She wasn't allowed to get out of bed and so for the rest of her life, she hated staying in bed.  I think I have inherited this from her.  I don't like unmade beds and I don't think I have ever slopped around the whole day in my pyjamas.  I find there is something very depressing about it.

Ellie seems to have lost interest in playing the piano.  Partly, this is just Ellie who gets very excited about something and then isn't interested.  Partly, it's because she is stuck with the same song which is why I feel Sian should have shown her how to play the piano step by step.

John goes shopping with Ellie.  They are not stopped on their way into town, but on their way back, a roadblock has been put up and the policeman asks them where they are coming from and where they are going.  Not sure how this helps anyone.  John is very generous and buys me four PLASTIC 200ml bottles of gin.  He has worked out that this is cheaper than buying a large bottle.  The label isn't even stuck on straight and all that's missing is a brown paper bag to carry it around in.  Sigh.  The Lives of the Rich and Famous.