April 20

The telephone rings.  We all stop what we are doing and stare at it.  The landline is ringing and it is such a rare occurrence, it must obviously be:

a) a wrong number
b) the PTC seeing if the line still works
c) our friend, Brenda, who phones every time we hold a film night, to say she's on her way.

It turns out to be a man John did some work for recently.  He is the only person I know who does not have a cell phone of any kind.

So here's my topic to talk about today: the telephone.

These are the things I remember:

1. The fact that you could never have a private conversation.  The whole family always listened in.
2. About five seconds after saying, 'Hi, how are you?' one of my parents would shout: 'Not long on the phone now, Bryony.  Calls are expensive.'
3. My mother having long conversations with family or friends which seemed to about to come to an end, but would then start up again after one of them said 'Ooh, nearly forgot to tell you . . .'
4. Trying to ask her a question while she was on the phone and having to use a whole range of hand signals to get the message across while she waved me away or mouthed 'five minutes'.
5. You phoned someone to have a conversation, not like nowadays when you only phone if you need the answer to a specific question.
6.  Waiting for some prospective boyfriend to ring - the agony of it.  Then hearing the phone ring and feeling your whole body tense while you waited to see who the call was for. If it was Prince Charming, the difficulty was trying to affect a tone of nonchalance.
7. Listening in on party lines.  I got into trouble often for doing this.
8. Phoning people up and speaking in a funny voice or saying something like: 'Your take away order is ready.  Please come and collect it.'
9. Having to book long-distance calls.  I remember my dad staying up until midnight as he had booked a call to the UK.  The operator would then ring you and put you through to the other end.
10.Going through the shared telephone bill at university and trying to identify which numbers were mine.
11. My gran phoning me from a phone box as she thought having a phone at home was the height of decadence.  We always had to talk fast in case her money ran out.
12. People answering the phone by giving their phone number: '239485 Good evening, Mr Rheam speaking.'  Actually, my dad always answered the phone 'Evening, Rheam here.'  Invariably the caller then asked, 'Is that Mr Rheam?'