As I said a couple of weeks ago, my email has been inundated with coronavirus advice from all sorts of sources. Lately, I have received a number of messages from CIMAS (my dad's medical aid) with exercises to do at home to build up immunity. I suppose they are afraid they will be inundated with bills from hospitals should the virus take off.
Econet sends a phone message to ask us all to donate money to buy equipment and protective wear for hospital staff. Sorry, Econet. You take too much of our money anyway. You could probably afford to renovate every single hospital in the country so don't come begging. It really annoys me that so many people see Econet's owner, Strive Masiyiwa as some sort of demi-god, when he is a man who has made money out of poor people. If I was to meet him, my first question would be why do you live in England?
The funniest message I have received to date is from Ecobank:
Dear Customer, in need of urgent help during the lockdown? Call us toll-free on ... OR call your Branch Manager/Relationship Manager.
I feel like phoning and telling them that I can't find any decent wine that I can afford. I wonder if they would agree to a wine loan? Or perhaps I'll tell them that I have locked myself in the toilet and can't get out.
What on earth is a relationship manager? The branch manager of Ecobank is the last person I would approach with a relationship problem. She looks like she could do ten rounds with the current boxing heavyweight champion. I can't imagine calling her and saying: 'The romance has gone from our relationship. We just don't talk any more.' Nor can I imagine her suggesting candlelit dinners and time together to rekindle any old feelings of passion.
Ah, Ecobank. My first and only love.
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