Ellie: Have you seen my grey jumper?
Me: It's on the top shelf of your cupboard.
Ellie (after forty-five seconds of looking): It's not there.
Me: It is. I saw it this morning.
Ellie: I have just looked and it's not there.
Me: (after going straight to the shelf in her room) Here it is, Ellie. I told you it was here.
Ellie: But you didn't say it was under the purple jumper. You just said it was on the shelf.
Another scenario:
John: I can't believe it. We're out of sugar already and I just bought a bag on Monday.
Me: It's in a tin on the second shelf of the cupboard, next to the salt.
John: (twenty seconds later): It's not there.
Me: A green tin - with SUGAR written on it.
John: Nope. No green tin.
Me: (walking into kitchen and going straight to the shelf and finding the tin of sugar): Here it is. In a green tin, next to the salt.
John: Oh, you didn't say a light green tin. I was looking for a dark green tin.
Me: We don't have a dark green tin.
John: Don't we? Oh.
Elizabeth is worried about her grandson who has been living with her since the lockdown began. He finished his A levels three years ago and did very well and wanted to go to university. At the time, Elizabeth just laughed cynically and said: 'How is he going to go to university? He will end up a gardener just like everyone else.'
Since leaving school, Antony has not even been able to get work as a gardener, although this is partly his fault as he considers himself beyond menial work. He did have some sort of apprenticeship with a cement company, but it all fell through. Now he sells firewood outside Hillside shops. Elizabeth tells me he spends all his money on getting drunk.
'All he wants is nice shoes and clothes,' she moans, 'but how can I buy these for him?'
When I ask if he helps her with money, she just laughs so I take that as a no.
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